Post rating 2688 Author avatar DeluxeKot 22 June 2021

Hold my beer.

Once at a birthday party for a fellow student, the birthday girl came up to me and told me in confidence that when she's drunk, she has no control over herself and can give. I had nothing better to do than come over to my friends and say, "Hey, guess what I found out!" She ended up having sex that night, but I didn't.

+89 Author avatar Abzbli 22 June 2021

You should have told your friends that when you're drunk you can't control yourself and you can have sex. You would have had sex.

Hide Show +14 Author avatar ReMicRoN 23 June 2021

And my friends...

Hide Show +3 Author avatar abrpikabu1 23 June 2021

Apparently, friends aren't picky at all. If ts hadn't told them anything, they would have fucked each other.

Hide Show 0 Author avatar akoulev 23 June 2021

You make it sound like... ))

Hide Show +1 Author avatar abrpikabu1 23 June 2021

Oh, this intrigue.

Hide Show -3 Author avatar Red.Girl 23 June 2021

Let me write it off?

Hide Show +1 Author avatar RdvRedDragon 23 June 2021

Yes, save it.

+15 Author avatar lala17 22 June 2021

There was an element zero in Mendeleev's table after all.

Hide Show +4 Author avatar redfox9887 23 June 2021

So, eblanium.

Hide Show 0 Author avatar CujuPerju 23 June 2021

That's the antimatter.

+58 Author avatar Radi4ka 23 June 2021

Ah, that reminds me. I'm sitting at home, sipping beer, a lady writes and says, "I'm after the club, I don't want to go home, what are you doing? I said that it was 3 a.m., I was about to go to bed. She says, "Well, let me come over and we'll have a chat. I said okay. She's here.


I can still remember her behaviour, she was sitting there, she took some candy in her mouth and said I like to suck it. That's where I would've known what was going on. But no fucking way, sat with her for another half hour, sleepy, sent her home and fell asleep.

Hide Show +33 Author avatar FreiMD 23 June 2021

You did the right thing.

Hide Show +17 Author avatar Talapker 23 June 2021

Exactly. Otherwise I'd have had to treat the icicle later.

Hide Show +5 Author avatar N020 23 June 2021

It was almost exactly the same. An acquaintance calls, like, I'm coming from the club, I do not want to wake up my friend at home, can I spend the night at your place?

- No problem, come over.

We just slept on the same bed with her and nothing else.

The second time she came almost the same way, but with liquor. And again nothing happened.

She never asked me to meet her again.

Hide Show +2 Author avatar StarJericho 23 June 2021

I went to bed with my new acquaintance on New Year's Eve and slept very well.

Hide Show +1 Author avatar maxsharrr 23 June 2021

Probably her friend moved out, no longer worried about waking her up late coming back

+333 Author avatar handur 22 June 2021

There are times when sex is better than never having it. Well, this is one of them.

Hide Show +157 Author avatar DeluxeKot 22 June 2021

Nah, she was all right, she liked me. Pretty, straight-A student and a Komsomol girl. I, on the other hand, was a little bit of a dork.

Hide Show +194 Author avatar svidetelV 23 June 2021

Don't worry about it. Missed out on drunken sex is nothing. But if you had gotten serious with her afterwards, you might have had to deal with the consequences. )

Hide Show +29 Author avatar amonexe 22 June 2021

Didn't like it that much, apparently)

Hide Show +21 Author avatar DeluxeKot 22 June 2021

Why are you doing this? Let me humor my ego)

Hide Show +8 Author avatar WayDownWeGo 23 June 2021

Cats don't worry about such things :)

Hide Show +2 Author avatar MazayAG 23 June 2021

To humble your ego is.

Hide Show +1 Author avatar hellymelly 23 June 2021

I was in love with a guy for two years, we were in the same company and communicated very well. I was in love with a guy for 2 years and we were in the same company and we got along very well. He joked it off, and by the end of it I was grief-stricken, and I found someone to spend time with. And yes, the guy wasn't in love with me, but shit... At 16, he could've had a friendship fuck :-(


So it's not that I didn't like him a lot, it's just that he might have been offended.

Hide Show +1 Author avatar akoulev 23 June 2021

In an English club.

- Gentlemen, I had an interesting experience yesterday. Imagine it: a cold rainy evening, I'm sitting by the fireplace. Suddenly, there's a knock on the door. I open the door and see a lovely lady, soaked through with rain...

- And then what?

- Of course, I let her in. She was shivering with cold and asked for whiskey, but it didn't warm her up either, so she asked my permission to sit on my lap.

- Well?!

- I swear, gentlemen, it won't be six months before she's mine!

Hide Show +1 Author avatar Doomest 23 June 2021

I can make some friends with you.

Hide Show 0 Author avatar amonexe 23 June 2021

That'll teach you a lesson for life. Hints are a thankless business. )


And friendship fucks... You already said you did. I'm guessing not hints ;)

Hide Show +19 Author avatar Kanedias 22 June 2021

Who ended up being her husband? They didn't get divorced?

Hide Show +43 Author avatar DeluxeKot 22 June 2021

Her husband ended up being someone who wasn't there that day. Maybe it was for the best, for him and for her.

Hide Show +55 Author avatar dotnetfx40 22 June 2021

That's right, last one's a daddy.

Hide Show +4 Author avatar dum0607 23 June 2021

Well, you weren't there...

Hide Show +20 Author avatar buhlovar 22 June 2021

Handsome Komsomol girls don't get M.I.V.?

Sometimes even a rubber band can't save them.

Hide Show +1 Author avatar inactivity 23 June 2021

Let me tell you a secret, but it's her birthday every year.

Hide Show +1 Author avatar kapitan066 23 June 2021

Or pretending to be stupid.

Hide Show +1 Author avatar unaesthetic 22 June 2021

The league of dumb?

Hide Show 0 Author avatar WinRarr 23 June 2021

It's not like she liked you, but she gave it to just anyone...

Hide Show +36 Author avatar Xrenotik 22 June 2021

I don't understand the author's frustration at all. Drunk sex is a questionable pleasure, and is it even a pleasure.

Hide Show +63 Author avatar OShiri 22 June 2021

Oooh. Drunk sex (especially when the girl is drunk and you're not), it's just a flight of fancy and a field for experimentation. Thanks to the dude who invented alcohol. Otherwise a lot of guys would have remained virgins until they died.

Hide Show +52 Author avatar Roxento 22 June 2021

And when they're both drunk, it's fuckin' great. There's a question of what counts as drunk? When you're just laying there, it's no fun. But when you're both drunk, but you're both "loose", that's the fuckin' wow.

Hide Show 0 Author avatar Krokodali 23 June 2021

Usually when you're drunk, during sex, and towards the end, you miss...



# imperceptible


and then the last one's the daddy.

Hide Show +7 Author avatar Evgeniy85 23 June 2021

Weird. There have been a decent (obscene) number of situations in my life when my drunken friends were drawn to experiment and "try". Why was it that I, even very drunk, understood that it would be a porkiness on my part to take advantage of their temporary weakness, but such interesting cadres - do not understand, even sober...?

Hide Show +14 Author avatar OShiri 23 June 2021

What does "temporary weakness" have to do with it? It's not like I'm raping an emotionless body. If a girl is tipsy to a good cheerful state and doesn't mind "messing around" herself, how can there be any porkiness? Yes, she might not look at me when she is sober, but thank the gods for alcohol.

Hide Show +3 Author avatar Sailor4131 23 June 2021

Well, with friends to experiment and "try", of course, porky. But with my friends...

Hide Show -1 Author avatar BarrelNefti 23 June 2021

...when my drunken friends were drawn to experiment and "try"...



...I knew, even when I was very drunk, that it would be pigheaded of me to take advantage of their temporary weakness...



Petrovich, cut it out, will you? You look like a nice guy.

Hide Show +3 Author avatar Neon.Storm 23 June 2021

And then she goes and writes a statement of wear and tear because she was in a helpless state and doesn't remember agreeing to intimacy at all. And you're trying the bottle on your ass.



Yeah, "thanks to the dude who invented alcohol."

Hide Show +3 Author avatar OShiri 23 June 2021

Uh, no. Don't confuse sex with an emotionless drunk body and sex with a perfectly sane drunk girl. Those are completely different things. The first is taboo.

Hide Show +1 Author avatar 89002505656 22 June 2021

Plus, it was the best sex ever and the only sex ever.

Hide Show +3 Author avatar OShiri 22 June 2021

But you know what to do now, right?

Hide Show 0 Author avatar m7610 22 June 2021

Drunk chicks aren't the mistress of the pussy.

Hide Show +3 Author avatar Adeltxt 23 June 2021

Like a drunken coon is the big boss of his dick

Hide Show +3 Author avatar Dewertor 23 June 2021

As our unit commander used to tell us, you should look for a woman before you get drunk, not in time or after you get drunk.

Hide Show +1 Author avatar Anderien 23 June 2021

Wise words, that is. If someone had said that to me in my youth, I might not have heard so many "fuck you" from the girls I used to hit on when I was pretty tipsy.

Hide Show 0 Author avatar Dewertor 23 June 2021

Oooh there his statements or rather expressions into quotations and aphorisms could be parsed. They went out to the people, so to speak.

Hide Show +4 Author avatar WhiteLordOfPl 22 June 2021

Katya, how do you know?

Hide Show 0 Author avatar Xrenotik 22 June 2021

You're Katya!

Hide Show +4 Author avatar Yiiihhhaaa 23 June 2021

Fuck, if someone fed me like that... I'd quit drinking and start fucking 🤔

Hide Show -3 Author avatar BillyXBones 22 June 2021

Watch your language, young man!

Hide Show +1 Author avatar KotProsha 23 June 2021

The post is about innuendos, and so many people don't realize that she may not have been drunk, or was, but made up about availability.

Hide Show 0 Author avatar valomi 23 June 2021

...Especially when my ass hurts in the morning.)

Hide Show -1 Author avatar Mixal 23 June 2021

Very much a pleasure - sensations are heightened, the barriers of shyness become more transparent, rough words and bdsm elements come into play. In general, the fire of excitement is hotter.

Hide Show -1 Author avatar krambabulya 23 June 2021

If they're drunk as shit, they're fucked up. And, if they are still adequate, and both can cum, then there can be quite a good sex.

Hide Show +1 Author avatar RenamedUser9449 23 June 2021

Let her rejoice, or Shurygina number two could have been it.

Hide Show 0 Author avatar Linups 23 June 2021

Shurygina, salt, trial, jail.

Hide Show 0 Author avatar Amnezka 23 June 2021

The guy saved himself from chlamydia, let's be happy for him!

Hide Show 0 Author avatar Nigersucker 23 June 2021

Are you a visionary?

Hide Show -4 Author avatar Kanedias 22 June 2021

Yes, sex with this girl could have ended up having sex with several men for a couple of years and an existence under the bunkhouse.

Hide Show +4 Author avatar Andorian 22 June 2021

Malachov, re-login.

+58 Author avatar CatcherRye 22 June 2021

I'm too lazy to write this post, I'll write a similar one in yours. My girlfriend and I are lying in bed, I happened to be at a friend's house, she starts talking to me about her ex-boyfriend, he loved her tongue from underneath, I thought - what women are stupid, almost what, former recollect, turned away and fell asleep. And I should have just licked the pie))

Hide Show +65 Author avatar A138 22 June 2021

And then she tells the new one about how her ex-boyfriend licked her pie.))



And so on, endlessly, in a circle.
)



Pie licked, girl's happy, everybody's exes around
))

Hide Show +17 Author avatar Blok71 23 June 2021


Möbius pie

Hide Show +7 Author avatar krambabulya 23 June 2021

Would've told you how your ex liked to suck your dick. And we'd be hooking up for 69.

Hide Show +4 Author avatar Dachtozhtakoe 22 June 2021

* licking the girl in bed *

Hide Show +3 Author avatar kitilan 22 June 2021

Who?)

Hide Show +2 Author avatar Dachtozhtakoe 22 June 2021

It's more like what.

Hide Show 0 Author avatar akoulev 23 June 2021

The bed.

и

!

Hide Show +1 Author avatar SV9TOI 23 June 2021

You should have told me how your ex-girlfriend gave you a blow job.)

+16 Author avatar TimofeyKazak 22 June 2021

From everything I've read, YOU are the LEADER!!!

Hide Show +7 Author avatar donMartin 22 June 2021

So you think there's a typo or no typo.

+4 Author avatar Fankar 23 June 2021

Norm's got a secret right there.

+13 Author avatar OblomowRu 23 June 2021

I personally classify sex with a lady who is drunk as an unnecessary risk, because then suddenly it turns out that the man is a rapist and took advantage of her helpless state. Do you need it? Especially considering the fact that sex itself can be bought at any time. And it's even relatively inexpensive. I don't think you're missing anything.

+11 Author avatar akkort 22 June 2021

And then a fellow student was like.

+8 Author avatar Palesmurt 22 June 2021

This author - to the administration of the community, I think!

+7 Author avatar ihabd 22 June 2021

And tripper.

Hide Show +55 Author avatar DeluxeKot 22 June 2021

Yeah, I was left with a nose, so to speak.

Hide Show +4 Author avatar kitilan 22 June 2021

I know the rules, maybe not everyone knows.

Hide Show +24 Author avatar DeluxeKot 22 June 2021

Lecture at medical school.

A professor comes out to the audience and says:

- Before the lecture, I'll tell you a story. When I was young, I had a friend. He and I liked the same girl. We both wanted to marry her. She chose him: I was left with a nose, and my friend was left without...

So the topic of our lecture today is syphilis and its consequences.

Hide Show +2 Author avatar Valtec 22 June 2021

Vasserman's Reaction 3+.

Hide Show +2 Author avatar Yiiihhhaaa 23 June 2021

Oh, that Onotole. He's got a C-plus reaction.

Hide Show +1 Author avatar Tramplex 23 June 2021

I didn't think there was a joke, I thought it was just a saying.

Hide Show -1 Author avatar Burundujiy 23 June 2021

But without the tripak.)

+3 Author avatar Kanedias 22 June 2021

In this situation, you were right not to sleep with her. At the very least, because she was drunk.

Hide Show 0 Author avatar akoulev 23 June 2021

At least 1 of his buddies wasn't that squeamish.

+1 Author avatar ES7588 23 June 2021

Fucking a drunk lady is so lame.

+1 Author avatar katteta 23 June 2021

Telling her stuff like that right off the bat... that kind of thing...

Hide Show 0 Author avatar akoulev 23 June 2021

Depends on whether she said it before or after the booze.

If it's option 1, it's not "tell that kind of thing right away," it's "strategic planning in the short term."

"Strategic planning for the short term

".

Hide Show 0 Author avatar katteta 23 June 2021

If she wanted to tell it to a crowd of men, she would have told them, not a specific guy...

Hide Show 0 Author avatar akoulev 23 June 2021

And this is already "

Variational strategic planning in the short term

".

Hide Show 0 Author avatar katteta 23 June 2021

And it sounds to me like someone is just a blabbermouth.

+1 Author avatar konstantinJ 22 June 2021

Get her drunk again.

+1 Author avatar Anderien 23 June 2021

Fucking a drunk woman. That sort of thing. And then the snot and tears of "you used me" and other bullshit, including a possible police report.


Fuck that.

0 Author avatar DuBna 23 June 2021

The League of Dumbasses came along. I signed up, guys. I don't regret it. There's a lot of fun, a lot of things that remind me of myself and my friends.

Hide Show +1 Author avatar 32vkvadrate 23 June 2021

And I realized I'm stupid. Well, thank you!

+1 Author avatar kastamurzik 22 June 2021

And poker.

Hide Show -1 Author avatar Yiiihhhaaa 23 June 2021

Chpoker?

-4 Author avatar AngryReaper 23 June 2021

I'll tell you a secret, any woman, when she's drunk, she's not the boss of the pussy 😂

Hide Show +9 Author avatar Dan1234 23 June 2021

women like to get laid too, maybe even more than men, alcohol just takes away the moral restraints

Hide Show +1 Author avatar kosoi 23 June 2021

And fear.

0 Author avatar bombshell01 22 June 2021

it's like a story from vanya uslvich)

Hide Show +3 Author avatar Lobanov 22 June 2021

The one about the threesome? The Philip story?

Hide Show +1 Author avatar bombshell01 22 June 2021

The one with him.)

0 Author avatar DimonFil 22 June 2021

Then he didn't marry her by any chance?

Hide Show +4 Author avatar DeluxeKot 22 June 2021

Nah, they parted ways.

Hide Show +19 Author avatar StrAiven 22 June 2021

like that night on his feet.

Hide Show +2 Author avatar CherryPah 23 June 2021

Phew. Ha!

Hide Show +1 Author avatar Fightslon 23 June 2021

Maaksimuuum

Hide Show 0 Author avatar akoulev 23 June 2021

Pum-pum-pum-pum-pum-pum!

-3 Author avatar Vereshch 22 June 2021

Maybe she was an MMA master athlete and wanted to drunkenly kick your ass.

But not the one with the hair...

So you're lucky.

Hide Show +4 Author avatar Yiiihhhaaa 23 June 2021

Oh, fuck. Don't remind me. I once met a friend of mine, two girls...well, how shall I describe them? They looked a lot like the head girl from Nemesis.


Just as powerful and just as fiercely unattractive.


But the two drunk sperm holders didn't care at the time, nor did they care that they were powerlifting masters in Siberia.


Anyway, we drank a lot, I vaguely remember teleporting to a mate's crib.


When I started to feel a little bit better, in my half-dead brain, the idea fluttered in my head that things were moving to the parterre. Honestly, I pissed myself... I'm a fucking wimp... she's gonna break me during the rogam... I'm still dreading it...


I won't go into the details of how we managed to lose these miladies...but, I'm glad I'm still alive.)

Hide Show +2 Author avatar Yiiihhhaaa 23 June 2021

Ah, yes... Nemesis' chief nemesis.

Hide Show +1 Author avatar GrafNafNaf 23 June 2021

"she's gonna break me during Rogazm..." and monsieur is either a braggart or an optimist with binoculars....

Hide Show 0 Author avatar Yiiihhhaaa 23 June 2021

I was young, I was fast, and I was good at sex marathons.

Hide Show +1 Author avatar GrafNafNaf 23 June 2021

Mm-hmm! Marathons.... So those two yearzillas didn't just look like Arnie, they also ran well. 😭 I couldn't cum when I was young and I was drunk, I'd be jiggling and jiggling for hours and nothing, and those were sex marathons! 😝

-1 Author avatar ssric77 23 June 2021

Maybe it wasn't dumb.



saved yourself the trouble


"
on top of it

-1 Author avatar ArtE123 23 June 2021

So all my friends had sex that night except you.

-2 Author avatar Azot334 23 June 2021

Next time don't fuck it up and ignore the hints.)

-2 Author avatar artmax37 23 June 2021

Is she really that weird?